No one likes to be the beginner at a job. During the pandemic I was a coach, training customer service agents at Capsule, New York’s delivery pharmacy. In every training class the majority of the students were terrified of looking “stupid”, of making mistakes. In the US Protestant work ethic/capitalistic culture, we’re taught from a young age that being the best in the room is the definition of success. Yet time and again I watched as fear of failure prevented these intelligent adults from actually learning.
It is hard to escape this need to control everything, down to the perception others have of us. It seems contrary to nature - my daughter’s book “Statistical Physics for Babies” by Chris Ferrie explains with toy balls that things naturally go from organized to messy. How can we embrace life's chaos, which becomes especially prevalent during life transitions?
“Statistical Physics for Babies” by Chris Ferrie
I am living in the middle of this right now. Recently I was promoted at The New York Academy of Medicine, and I have a lot of balls in the air. I make “mistakes”, or rather, show imperfection, every day. The hardest part is not how I feel in the imperfection, but the way others react - they are also trained to think this is “bad”.
What do I do to relax into the statistical physics of my life-in-transition?
1. I do my best. I go into each day with the intention to try as hard as I can, and make a soft promise to myself to learn from “mistakes”. I beat myself with a feather instead of a bat. The other day I forgot to confirm a location for lunch for The President. Upon realization of this, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, and thought about what I would do next time - which will be to confirm the restaurant as soon as the plans are made. That is my technique - I take a moment to sit in the feeling and puzzle out what I will do in the future. I am gentle with myself and do not write it down - I trust my future self.
2. I find how I can make unique contributions. I compensate for my “weaknesses” (attention to detail!) by going all in on my strengths. With a theater background and personality I am good with people, so I make sure to be a bright presence in the office - always exuding positivity, taking the time to have meaningful conversations in the break room, and being a welcoming presence to new employees. Not only does this contribute to the company, but it makes me feel like I am offering something valuable, and counterbalances any feelings of “failure”.
3. I trust my intuition. Since the people around me are operating from this same societal pressure to be perfect, I can’t always trust their reactions to my learning moments. It could be a relatively simple mistake, but their reaction could blow it out of proportion and make me feel terrible. Conversely, I could make a big mistake that no one notices but me. I can truly only hold myself accountable, and I need to be able to brush off instances that were actually meaningless.
The only way we can learn is to stumble through, looking “dumb”, riding the wave of entropy. We have to keep learning forever, so we have to make mistakes forever. Might as well get used to it now.